perception

I have had a few interesting conversations with people lately about their perception of me and my character. I think it's kind of funny what people perceive me as when they don't see me often in my day to day life, used to have known me and only now see me through facebook or chatting on msn.

I think it's pretty low of people to judge others when they have no idea who they are or what the other person has gone through. I also think it's funny how people always tend to remember the negative things that someone has said or done, or perceive their actions in a negative way and forget about everything else or just have one conversation stuck in their mind.

I think it's awesome when you try to talk to people that you haven't for a while and all they have are complaints about you. I also think it's funny how people tend to take your word as the law and take something you have said and make a judgment on your character based on it.

I was told last night that I was flighty and had no direction, too excitable and irresponsible by a guy who used to want to date me. Apparently not anymore though. I think it's hilarious that we haven't seen each other in about a year and a half and he hasn't really been involved in my life during that time, but he gathers from the conversations he's had with me, a perception of me that's not even true.

I hate it when people call me flighty. If I change things in my life, it's because I'm not happy with the way things are, not because I feel this constant need to change everything around.

I got somewhat of the same judgment from another friend of mine that I talk to on a regular basis. He tells me that I must "like variety" because I friend hop, job hop and house hop.

I think this is also pretty funny because I wouldn't have to friend hop if I had people in my life who were reliable and trustworthy as friends. More often than not, something happens to make things awkward or it just doesn't work out in some way or another, and they fade out of my life as if they'd never been there at all. And the result is that now, I'm left here without having established many close friends, when honestly, that's what I want. I would love to surround myself with positive people that I talk to on a regular basis. I would love to have people in my life who liked and appreciated my company. I would love to have close friends that I'm able to tell everything to, who I can trust, love and rely on. But sadly, I don't have many of those people in my life and it's not by choice. Yet, he seems to think that it's due to a flaw in my character and that I don't build up good ones.

It's possible that it is due to a flaw in my character. I mean, if I'm not able to build close friendships with many people, it must be a problem with me.

On the other hand, the job hopping is not my choice. Sometimes it doesn't work out with the job I have for various reasons. Sometimes they think I'm not right for the job or are not happy with my work. Sometimes they don't have enough hours or work for anyone to do so it's not a personal thing. It has caused me a lot of grief and many hours of passing out resumes everywhere with no luck.

On the other hand, house hopping is definitely not my choice. Moving is annoying and a lot of work, and I would prefer not to do it very much if possible. Much of my moving has also not been my choice. I have been told that I am a bad roommate and that my company is not appreciated.

Sometimes I want to give up on life. I don't know why I try at things when it seems as if everything I touch is a failure.

On top of that, I am getting sick again. I also have so much to do and it's all friggin boring.

On top of that, I am alone in a small town in Quebec and hate my life. Why does it have to suck so much?

Why do people have to suck so much? I hate it when my relationships fall apart and people yell at me for no reason and prove themselves to be unreliable and not even like me, having a negative perception of who I am.

I think it's funny that people tend to think that the way they see things is the right way and don't bother considering another perspective or looking past their own noses to think about anything beyond themselves. It drives me crazy when I have immature relations with people and they're only around me because of how I make them feel about themselves or because of what I give them or bla bla. I'm also really tired of having complicated relationships where I constantly have to be worrying about the other person and how they might react if I do this or that or something. For example, being friends with guys and then having it get complicated, they wanting to sleep with you or liking you or you liking them and it not being mutual. It's so annoying. I've lost so many friends because it gets complicated somehow in regards to that. And then people feel rejected when it's not even that I may not reject them, it may just be that I don't feel that connection with them or I don't have time for them.

When it comes down to it, life is a struggle and sometimes it sucks. It's nice when you find people who aren't shitty and immature and caught up in themselves, but sometimes that's too much to ask of people. God, everyone in the world is so self absorbed, it's kind of funny really because when you think about it, you could get away with saying and doing a lot just because people wouldn't notice. Either that or they just don't care. I'm tired of people. I only want to make time in my life for people who are worth it. I'm tired of being around people and having to fight with them. I'm tired of worrying about everyone but myself. I'm tired of trying to be friends with people who may not be worth it in the end. I'm tired of dealing with shit. I'm tired of having to get things done and take care of things. I just want to be around someone decent who's company I actually enjoy.